Signs:

At the Ob-Gyn's office: 
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix." 

At a military hospital-door to endoscopy: 
"To expedite your visit, please back in." 

On a Plumber's truck: 
"We repair what your husband fixed." 

On the trucks of a local plumbing company: 
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." 

Pizza shop slogan: 
"7 days without pizza makes one weak." 

Another Pizza shop slogan: 
"Buy our pizza. We knead the dough." 

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: 
"Invite us to your next blowout." 

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: 
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?" 

At a drycleaners: 
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, 
close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

At a towing company: 
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." 

On an electrician's truck: 
"Let us remove your shorts." 

In a non-smoking area: 
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take 
appropriate action." 

On a maternity room door: 
"Push. Push. Push." 

At an optometrist's office: 
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the 
right place." 

On a taxidermist's window: 
"We really know our stuff." 

In a podiatrist's office: 
"Time wounds all heels." 

On a fence: 
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive." 

At a car dealership: 
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." 

Outside a muffler shop: 
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." 

In a veterinarian's waiting room: 
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" 

At the electric company: 
"We would be de-lighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don't, 
you will be." 

In a restaurant window: 
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up." 

In the front yard of a funeral home: 
"Drive carefully. We'll wait." 

At a propane filling station: 
"Tank heaven for little grills." 

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago radiator shop: 
"Best place in town to take a leak."